The Difference a Year Makes -

There’s an old saying, ‘The days are long, but the years go fast.’ For me, this last year felt like three. An up and down rollercoaster of feelings and emotions that took me to some pretty deep lows. As therapy for dealing with the pandemic, lockdown, losing my job and other garbage that happened during the messy year that was 2020, I started blogging. Like many other bloggers, I used this platform as a creative release of the anger, frustration and depression I was feeling.

It began with writing out my feelings… no, more like exorcizing my feelings. Then a trip to my local train tracks got me thinking about train metaphors, which is where my first three posts came from. Here’s an excerpt from my second post. As you’ll see, the tone is quite different from the way I currently write:

“My optimistic nature gets my engine started every morning, until it fades away. Then I don’t know where to turn. My friends tell me it will be okay. My faith tells me it will be okay. My family tells me it will be okay. So, why do I struggle to believe it?

I’ll try turning to one of my favorite bible verses, Joshua 1:9. ‘Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.’

Being strong and courageous are attributes I have, so I must not forget who I am. The way God made me. And yet, I get too caught up in my head. Thinking about how I’m 54 years old, laid off from my job, and trying to compete in a market that sees me as ‘older,’ which is never an asset.”

It was exactly one year ago today when I began these posts, and when I read them now, I’m filled with so much relief over how much progress I’ve made towards being a much healthier person. I have a new career path, I’m in better physical and mental shape, and I’ve worked hard to keep our finances in order after suffering a dramatic pay cut. 2021 is definitely looking much better than 2020!