The Crazy Train in My Mind

Can’t sleep. Can’t stay awake. Can’t figure it out. I have so much energy rising up inside me that I have to do something productive or I may lose my mind! And yet, I’m exhausted from not being able to sleep through the night. If only I could hop on a train that time traveled into the future so I would know what to expect. 

My optimistic nature gets my engine started every morning, until it fades away. Then I don’t know where to turn. My friends tell me it will be okay. My faith tells me it will be okay. My family tells me it will be okay. So, why do I struggle to believe it? 

I’ll try turning to one of my favorite bible verses, Joshua 1:9. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. 

Being strong and courageous are attributes I have, so I must not forget who I am. The way God made me. And yet, I get too caught up in my head. Thinking about how I’m 54 years old, laid off from my job, and trying to compete in a market that sees me as ‘older’, which is never an asset.

But I mustn’t give up, no matter how crazy my mind gets. No matter how much I want to quit. No matter what the world says about ‘older’ people like me. That our future is about retirement and playing with our grandchildren. Well, I know I have more to offer the world, and I’m going to fight as hard as I need to find my purpose that’s beyond collecting social security checks. I can not and will not be discouraged from what God has planned for me. Wherever I go.

I wrote this to share my struggle and reach out to others who may be going through a similar struggles. Please feel free to contact me to share your story. 

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